Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last
Just kicking down the cobble stones
Looking for fun and feelin’ groovy
I found myself at the sea again today, sea-softened pebble stones under my feet. Immersing myself in the cool churning water it felt beautiful to just have space. The wind murmured ‘restore’ to me. The sun kissed my face.
My brain finds it terribly easy to run on warp speed. It’s kind of why psychosis crept up on me ten years ago. I often jump from one stream of thought to another, films and music intertwine, I get incredibly passionate about politics one minute and suddenly realise I’m in tears about the Kids in Crisis programme I watched last week.
I think social media is tricky for a brain like this. Especially Twitter. It’s been an interesting insight into how overworked my brain becomes now that I’m spending a month campaigning hard on social media. Sea swims and extended screen breaks are going to be really important. A period of more intense busyness makes me look forward to the gap year even more. Come July 29th I’ll be clicking an all important button – ‘delete’ on my Twitter account.
Bank holiday weekend was wonderful. I’m tentatively hopeful that I made the right move with my meds, there’s a feeling of ‘the old me’ returning. Enthusiasm and hope feel stirred again, it’s such a relief.
I took the girls to Saunton Sands beach while Gallant Husband cycled there to meet us. Eldest enjoyed the freedom of popping to the beach shops on her own, clutching some spending money. She came back with a tiny sculpture of two dolphins riding a wave for me, and a mermaid doll for her sister complete with a hairbrush and fish companion. Little One loved combing the mermaid’s hair and putting her in the rock pools to swim.
Gallant Husband arrived just in time to give Little One lunch whilst Eldest and I grabbed our wetsuits, stretched them on and headed for the waves. Eldest had her new scorpion bodyboard and the gently sloping beach meant we could practice manoeuvring the boards in fairly shallow water. Once we were waist deep the waves had enough power to give us some really good rides. We practised jumping onto the bodyboards at just the right moment. Twice we caught a wave together and found ourselves gliding side-by side, laughing and smiling into each others’ eyes as the wave bubbled underneath our boards. Eldest used to say when she was a little girl that she wanted to be a mermaid when she grew up. It was brilliant to have our very own mermaid moment in the waves that day. I’m hoping for many more as we head into summer.
Today I choose
Rock shoes, bikini and towel
Down jacket ready to shield me from the wind
Pack a bag, set my mind to it
Choose to awaken the senses
Watch the waves in their sets of three
Feel the stones tumbling in the breakers
Push out beyond
A perfect few minutes in the wild
Peace beyond the crashing shoreline
Rise up on a wave
Scramble back to shore
Choose to feel alive again